My mom.

Today, on my poor little neglected off topic blog, I'm honoring my best friend and biggest fan, my mom.

Last nite, Tuesday, March 30th at 9pm, my mom collapsed while grocery shopping. And she never woke up.

God took her very suddenly, just like she did with my Dad years ago. So I go into this new phase knowing, this was indeed planned.

My mom was one sweet gal. She showed the masses what true optimism was. She was artistic, loved life, loved her family beyond measure, and her faith her highest ranking hobby. Her hugs were long, and it pained her when you left her sight. When you left her place, she always went outside and stood by the road waving until you were completely out of her line of vision. Without fail. It was always hard to leave her and her place. She just never seemed to get her fill of you. She loved her family and was the finest example of what a parent could be.

Last night at the hospital, I actually smiled through my tears as I held onto her for the last time. I was holding her leg through the soft flannel sheets because I wanted to remember her warmth. My playful thoughts were, "Mom, you stinker! What have you gone and done now?!?" My most inner thoughts were, she was finally reunited with my Dad, whom she desperately missed every single minute he was gone. They simply were a pair that belonged together. And now they are.

Yesterday had me feeling like it was a day to celebrate. Most certainly shock has taken over, but more than that, I was able to see over and beyond the fog, that THIS is where she needs to be. It was time. Even without warning for those that loved her.

How I feel today? Hour by hour. It's all one can do.

It's ok. It will be ok once we figure out the new norm. For now, I'm simply clinging to the thought that she's no longer in pain from that back of hers, she doesn't have to remember those silly meds nor does she have to wear hearing aids that never worked to her liking anyway.

And she's in the most ultimate place ever. WHAT A DAY that must be! I can't even imagine.

Between the tears that will no doubt spill, I wear a celebration hat for my Mom. Missing her desperately will come easy. So I'll continue to attempt to turn my thoughts to what SHE must be living in right now.

How I wish I could pick up that phone and ask her what her new pad is like. :) For now, I'll just have to wing it hour by hour and know she's being cared for by The Ultimate. Lucky gal.

See you soon, Mom. And Dad. My thoughts are with both of you today.

:) xoxo

Living in the 'now.'

I have this 'friend' that sneaks in from time to time. It doesn't come invited. In fact, I groan when the visit transpires.

Being relatively healthy my entire life, when this vertigo thing hit about 9 months ago out of the blue, it caught me completely off guard. It shut me down to the point of not driving, not visiting, struggling to work many days. It's not steady. It comes and goes as it pleases. It's a lifeform all on it's own it seems.

At the time when it hit, I was going through a somewhat stressful time in my life. Heavy with reno deadlines, work related issues, plus. I don't know that this issue is even related to stress to this day. But being hit with this so suddenly stunned me into action.

So I did all the moves and tests necessary because something was wrong. But do you know how frustrating it is when you have an issue that no one can find the cause to? Crazy. However I got on with life as best as I could. And one promise I made to myself was, when this fog finally moved upward, I was going to make some big changes in my life. Obviously something was not working as is before, so I made some goals.

And then one day it lifted. Little by little, my head cleared. I was estatic! And started implementing new changes.

I kicked open the door to my adult spirituality and started going to church. I started self teaching myself a few things on the net about blogging and design. I started a new physiotherapist for a new kind of treatment. I've started down a passionate road leading to a 'work' I will adore. I started volunteering. I started some evening spiritual classes. There simply was no stopping me this time!

And then BAM, the big V strikes again. Not cool.

Looking back, I was very busy before this hit. When I chilled and slowed down, things got better. Now that I'm at full speed again, although in new exciting directions, it hits again I have a funny feeling that my body is saying, "Too much. Again, too much."

Perhaps I'm 'lucky.' My body actually speaks to me and tells me when enough is enough. Now... will I learn to listen?

Ok ok. So what to give up I don't know yet. But for today, it's time to chill and be in the moment that Emily speaks of. The moment of now. Just stop all this preplanning and enjoy the NOW. I'm going to stop my spinning world single handedly and be still for today. Even if my head isn't cooperating. Yet.

Thanks Dr. Emily. This is something the docs did not prescribe, but something I will try regardless.

If you are curious about the NOW topic I refer to, visit Chatting at the Sky's Tuesdays Unwrapped where I am sharing this post.

Are YOU mature enough for a crosswalk?

I happen to have proof my 10 yr old is still young.

Here's a pic from our camping adventures from this summer. He's playing with plastic apes! (wait... I play with them to so what does that make me? Nevermind, that theory may not wash after all.)

Today's dilemma is, my son wanted to walk to school all on his own. We live in a very small town, so it's not that it's a terrible thing to do. It's just that there's an extremely busy road he must CROSS on the way to school that had my stomache aching.

Yes, there is a crosswalk guard manning the road. But you know.. if a mom's eyes are not on their child, it's like throwing him into the deep end of a pool! (yeah, I have issues when I watch him swim too)

Anyway, this fine AM Cody insisted he wanted to walk ALL BY HIMSELF. whimper...

"I'll just make sure you cross ok, then you can go, alright?"

"No mom!"

"Ok, I'll just..."

"NO MOM! I'm grown up now!"

Phooey.

So I prepped him well about waiting for the traffic to STOP before proceeding across the road, regardless of when the crosswalk sign was behing held up. Make sure you have eye contact, wave and make sure they wave back, blah blah blah. I got alot of eye rolling and the like, but I had to have my say by golly!

I know abit too much. I volunteer at that crosswalk and not ALL traffic stops right when you want it to. Being a crosswalk guard is an artform. You wait for a lull in traffic, THEN you risk life and limb and throw yourself out there with your teeny weeny little stop sign and flashy glow in the dark vest, two features that do NOT stop traffic alone. You don't rely on your gear. You rely on your wit and good judgement calls. And pray on occasion too.

I'm happy to report, I convinced him to let me go to the end of our road so I could at least see for myself that there was a guard there. Sometimes they aren't, it happens. When I saw the crosswalk was well taken care of, Cody IMMEDIATELY set me on my way back home.

I do know he'll be ok. There's lots of kid activity on that sidewalk. And I also know the crosswalk guard can see the kids pretty much until they walk into the school yard. So, I really DO know he'll be ok.

But just for today, I feel very immature. I think my 10 yr old has finally surpassed my own age, as I may never grow up after all.