Sunday, May 9, 2010

New traditions start now

We cleaned out my mom's house today.

Up until now, I still had a reason to go to my mom's. We were busy packing and sorting and I took my son for an occasional swim in her beautiful clubhouse pool. There was still the attachment of mom because of her home and her stuff when we went there, even though she wasn't there.

But as of today..

It's. All. Gone.

The rooms are bare and empty, the carpet wearing sad impressions of what was just in place moments ago. The walls have no love to them. The friendly clutter that was normally everywhere you looked now sit in boxes upon boxes. The life and the spirit and belongings of the one we loved has officially vacated the premises.

Now, you see, I've been given strict instruction for Mother's Day. My son says it makes him feel sad when he sees me sad and the day is special to him because of who I am. While feeling sad is quite natural in our given circumstances, I also need to flip the day into an ok one. My son is counting on it.

So, we took in the graveyard the day BEFORE Mother's Day. I don't think I could hold it together visiting a headstone while everyone else went to their mom's for lunch.

Just, no.

And I couldn't grasp my mom's name beside my dad's on the headstone. A name as familiar as my own... 'there.' Her signature, 'there.' Man...

It's quite an amazing headstone. It's a dark granite with a silhouette of my parent's farm done in an etch. Beautiful really. Bright side.. see the bright side I coach myself.

So, taking my own advice, I'm going to start by flipping this post into something abit more inspiring. It's Mother's Day after all. :)

My son loves baking so I think baking a cake together is in order. And I can also see going for a walk for my vanilla coffee and his slushie. We then like to take our treats to the  park and sit on top of the picnic table and watch the town hurry on by while we laze away some time to chat. Yes, I can see doing this quite nicely.

Ohhhh I've got it! I'd like to walk by the river with our chosen treats. Being near water always does it for me!

There, see? I feel better already. I can do this! I can do it, mom.

Although no one can fill my mom's boots quite like she can, I'm certainly going to give it my best shot. This year our focus will be abit different. We're officially  starting a new tradition. I'm going to celebrate BEING a Mom alongside my fav lil dude.

For those of you that are fortunate to still have your mom, enjoy her today. Listen to the stories, join in her laughter, and indulge her in yet another bear hug. Because, you can. :)

As for those that can't and are at a loss? Look into your kiddo's eyes and I have a feeling you'll know what to do next. I'm bankin' on it myself!


Kolein said...

You are a lovely human being. And you are in my heart today.

Esther@fleurcottage said...

'first-timers' are always difficult, esp after death...blessings!